To Blow or Not to Blow…

When I was younger my favorite holiday was of course Christmas, but as I got older, and after my parents divorced, I gradually but consistently looked less forward to splitting holidays and the back and forth between homes.  Holidays as a whole became a chore, riddled with anxiety and discomfort.  I eventually started to avoid or just outright ignore the traditionally family filled holidays. Instead, I chose to spend that time binge watching movies or resting.

Although I avoided family holidays, my excitement for my birthday could never be contained. My birthday became the one ‘holiday’ that I would undoubtedly celebrate.  As my maturity level increased, so did the lavishness of my birthday celebrations.  From vacationing in Miami, Las Vegas, and Puerto Rico, to having dinner and brunch with friends, my birthday was a month-long itinerary that required a beach celebration during the month. 

So, you can imagine the disappointment and sorrow that engulfed me when the realization that this birthday could not go on as tradition dictated.  I’ve always enjoyed traveling and learning about cultures, and since my birthday occurs close to Labor Day, I could usually take advantage of the holiday and plan a traveling birthday celebration.  But 2020 had other plans. 

When Corona arrived and we were forced to quarantine, I was fortunate enough to had already transitioned into working from home, and my social life was primarily nonexistent unless I was traveling.  For many months my life, was a loop of regularly scheduled programs with no interruptions of the emergency broadcast system.  And then, my first vacation was cancelled.

Not only were the vacation activities cancelled by the hosting venues but the country’s border was closed to Americans!  This was something I’d only seen happen on the news during times of war and conflict in foreign countries.  And then the photos of a booming Las Vegas turned ghost town emerged. There were no promoters enticing you to sign up for VIP club entry, no big spenders at the casinos, and no pool parties with the best DJ; that was the second vacation cancellation. I began to understand the severity of the Corona-19 virus and finally accepted that it was not going to leave any time soon.  I stopped trying to plan my birthday beach bonanza, and accepted that I would be stateside- reminiscing and reflecting.

After much deliberation, contemplation, and investigation I decided to have a birthday celebration, but this celebration would be different for me.  Not just because it was occurring in the time of a pandemic, but because I realized that I had been running away from family gatherings for years, and I was finally ready to change that. 

Can you believe that the last time most of my immediate family was together in celebration of me was in 2006 when I graduated from college!  Yes, that’s right 14 years ago!!!  I think we can all agree, a ‘reunion’ was necessary.  I was genuinely excited about this celebration, but I also doubted if I should have it and questioned if I was being selfish or putting my loved ones at risk just to tell me Happy Birthday in person while cutting cake.  This brought on a higher degree of worry. 

“Can I have a cake?  Should I have a cake?  If I have a cake should I have candles on the cake?  If I put candles on the cake, I won’t be able to blow them out.  Does it make sense to have ‘30 something’ lit candles on a cake and then have to put them out?  How do you ‘put out’ lit candles?  What if I’m asymptomatic and don’t know I have the virus and blow out the candles, then spread the virus all over the cake, serve the cake to my family and then they all get sick?!?”

To blow or not to blow?  These were literally my thoughts. 

I’m naturally an in depth, overthinker and analyzer but when I’m worried it’s EXTREME!

So what did I do?  I ordered a delicious vanilla cake with lemon curd and cherry filling decorated with my favorite colors, purple and teal; but I did not include any candles.  Instead the restaurant gave me a brownie with an individual candle.  This was a perfect solution.

And what about my family?  We had the most amazing lunch!  Embarrassing stories of wigs flying off and childhood spankings were told.  There were a multitude of ‘remember when’s recounted followed by those deep down in the belly laughs.  We concluded with a selfie to commemorate the occasion and the exclamation that this was in fact a much-needed celebration of life. 

I like to think of myself as an optimist, a positive person, or an inspiration influencer if you will; and although I agree that the pandemic has been detrimental to millions of people, I also acknowledge that without this pandemic, I would have continued to be an absconder of family events.  I was only a few key strokes away from booking my beach celebration when the world ‘shutdown’.  I definitely miss the sand between my toes and warm sun on my skin, but I am grateful to see another year and to have rekindled the joy of family functions. 

I know that deciding to have or not to have candles on a cake seems trivial, but to me it’s truly indicative of how the smallest or seemingly most insignificant of details can have the greatest impact on you, your family and your community.  We no longer have the luxury of going about our day only thinking of ourselves.  We have to realize that every action we take or don’t take impacts those we love around us.  This year started with enthusiasm and hope for ‘the best year ever,’ but has now transformed into a crash course on hygiene and an expose’ on race relations.  Our standard operating systems have decommissioned and there is no rebuild in sight.  Gatherings have been limited, students and parents are forced to adapt to virtual routines and many businesses have closed.  The only certain thing is that, life as we previously knew it, is no more.  

I made a conscious effort to to embrace these involuntary changes and found purpose in the midst of a pandemic. I believe that life can be as sweet or sour as we make it. We may not be able to put candles on our cakes, but we can still let them eat cake! LOL!